im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
