why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
