Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
