easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
