have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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