I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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