Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
