My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
