Four minutes until I can fart!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
