Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think my moral compass just broke
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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