Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
