You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
