He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
