Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
