At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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