im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
