...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
