I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
