he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
