C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
