what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
