His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
