You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize