I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
