Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize