We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
