You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
