just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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