We won't sleep together?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
