it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
