Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
