Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
