Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
