I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
