I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
