I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
