found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
