I want to have your abortion
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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