i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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