Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
