she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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