who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
