i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
