i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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