Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
