i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
