she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's shark week go big or go home
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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