i permit you to call me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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