new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
