On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
