Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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