I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize