You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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