Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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