Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
