??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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