theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You were trust falling into bushes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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