I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We are two peas in an std pod
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
