Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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