the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
