I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
