very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
