I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
