Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My first STD was from a foam party
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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