I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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