I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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