I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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