he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
