I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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