Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize