The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
